The post-thirties mirth

 

Hellooo to my invisible audience~

Anyone reading this hoolaa at me!

Anyone? No?

Remind me again why I'm blogging??

It's been awhile since I wrote here - so while my husband is busy with his mobile game (sometimes I think he should just marry who created MLBB instead of me); I figured why not I replenish my writing skills and at the same time beating this indomitable insomnia?

I'm just gonna whine and snivel my usual sentiment that I reiterate from my each and every post...

Nothings new.

Surprising? No.

Lazy? 100% yes. Not that my life is toooo mundane - aside from working 8.30-5.30, constant walking and standing in the train that deteriorates my poor knees - I DO have some exciting things happened.

Like my company trip to Taaras. Man...Taras, Terengganu is a heaven on Earth. I did contemplate about blogging about that - but alas, I lost to the psychological battle of being in thirties. I have stopped doing anything exciting. I have stopped feeling enticed about things I used to have an ounce of motivation for. This sounds like depression, but no, this feels like I'm hitting that jackpot of being in another decade of my life. Alhamdulillah. To encapsulate, I'm just lazy to blog - and I'm just blaming it on my aging factor. 

Being 30 is a pivotal moment in my life. I cared alot yet I don't. When you're in your early twenties, you cared about petty things, you cared about impressing the wrong people, and you degrade your self worth just to prove you could fit in. When I transition into my late twenties - after motivational talk became a staple of my daily routine, exchanging empowering quotes with my friends, and tasting the value of a ringgit after hitting that first paycheck - the hormones yall, it felt like I could run an entire state with whatever girl power embedded in my little body.

Now, I'm not so little. My metabolism dwindled dramatically - and now I'm not just a short girl - I am a short girl with inflating, bulbous stomach. But oh well - I tried to care. I tried to gain motivation in order to get my old body back.

Then I just realized - why go big when you can take a nap?

I am not exaggerating when I say you sleep alot in your thirties; like if people get drunk to forget about their problems - me and my husband chose to sleep. Just cuddling up, then when you're too hot you move to the side to allow some cool air in your body but only for a few seconds before he realized you sneakily slithered out of his arms and decided to cuddle you from behind. Sweating, but anything for my darling husband. 

Like I said, it's the age where you transition into a "care, don't care mode."

I care about everything - I care about making others happy, I care about my promises to others, I care about the camaradarie we developed.

At the same time, I don't care about what they might think of me, I don't care how they felt when I don't feel like going to a gathering, and I easily brush off things because they were so...petty. If my 2o year old self could see how my 30-year-old self today, she would be gobsmacked that she would eventually harness this skill in life.

I feel so bad that I don't care, yet...I don't care.

Me in a nutshell.

For those who can relate, welcome to the club. For those who don't well...thumbs up I guess?

So I figured why not I start blogging again? But lets be real - we are all exhausted after work. All we wanna do is just take out our socks and our hijab while throwing our bags aggressively on the bed - not bothering that our things were sprawling everywhere on the bed; and as we lie down, our cheeks pressed against the comfy pillows, thinking you would just lay there for one minute while scrolling your Instagram. You wanted to take a bath, but then relented with a "nahh, later," kind of attitude. So when I announce "I'm blogging again" - it'll be till months or years till my next post.  I'm truly inculcating the laissez faire point of view.

Trust me when I say adulting and working life has turned you into a sloth once you get home. At work, you had to ooze some kind of charisma to not get fired - so when you get home, the real you just slid out. Doesn't matter if you married or have kids.

We are all just tired. 

I am making writing a consistent, silent gig - so if you don't see me here, you might bump into me in wattpad. I prefer writing fictional stories nowadays, one that involves Harry Potter.

*Coughfanficcough*

Apparently if there's one thing I couldn't let go of my inner child, is Harry Potter. 

Maybe it's Dan Radcliffe. Maybe Tom Felton. Maybe all of them.

Maybe it's just Harry Potter - where I could be in a world of magic and realistic at the same time. 

That's my lazy update. Oh, the world has gotten crazier - first Gaza, now Israel bombed Lebanon. Yet, the US continues to supply weapons and digging up all excuse they can to blame Hamas. 

Sadly, even in Malaysia when I read the comment sections - they are all gonna blame Malays and Muslims for being bias because they're supporting Palestine. Not trying to be racist, but it's so sad to see that they can just turn a blind eye on humanity just because they dislike a certain race. 

I speak out on other issues. I'm not afraid to say my truth ONLY if what I was about to fight for is right. And I don't invalidate whenever certain people thronged the sidewalk, raising their banners and hollering whatever they’refighting for m. I don't care what race or religion you are. If you're wronged, I will speak up for you. 

Hatred will turn people into a monster - while they don't engorge into a scary looking Godzilla, or a fire-breathing dragon; they hide behind fake accounts and clickbait nomenclatures, terrorizing certain groups behind their keyboard where they remain in that sanctuary of typing comfortably on their laptop - thinking they could get away with this unscathed. 

It's sad to see people like this, really. We can choose to live in peace and harmony but all we did is turn against each other. Every fiend likes it when a society turning their backs on each other - just like Voldemort for example. In real life though, we don't see the devil but its there to tear us apart in every way. So please...lets be kind? And speak out against evil when you see one? Not ass-licking those real terrorist killing women and children.

Okay, I blogged. I'm productive. Now I'm sleepy. So not gonna bother with a hearty goodnight wish. SO goodnight. Esok keje. 

XOXO